


Connie?

by florahowell



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Comfort, F/M, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-13
Updated: 2018-05-13
Packaged: 2019-05-06 03:36:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14633271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/florahowell/pseuds/florahowell





	Connie?

Long after midnight he still couldn’t bring himself to return to that damp, shabby building the survey corps was provisionally stationed at. He was lying motionless on the wet grass – eyes closed, one leg propped up, hands resting on his stomach. His chest was rising and falling steadily as he slowly breathed the fresh outside air in and out. The peace and quiet of the night was a welcome change after the constant chaos that surrounded him and his comrades these days. 

“Connie?” Sasha’s familiar voice was breaking through the silence softly, and he soon felt the warmth of the girl’s body as she lied down next to him, lightly pressing her upper arm against his. 

“Hmm?” He didn’t open his eyes. Even though her presence was soothing, he had already fallen half-asleep and wasn’t ready to leave this pleasant, peaceful state for the real world yet. 

“Oh my God, it’s freezing out here! How long have you been lying there?” She sounded concerned. “Are you okay?”

“No, not really.” He didn’t even think of lying to Sasha. He never lied to Sasha.

The girl moved closer to him, but she kept her eyes on the clear black sky. “Are you thinking about your family? Your mother?” 

“Mhmm.” 

“What do you think? What happened with your village?” 

Connie was so fed up with that question not only because he didn’t know the answer but also because he did not want to know the answer. Every time when he tried to figure out what could have happened with Ragako and its residents he ended up with a different nightmarish idea. Not one possible scenario was slightly better than the others. The only thing he could hope for was that everything in the past few months had been just a bad dream.

He wanted to wake up in his old, tiny bed in their old, tiny house, stumble sleepily into the kitchen early in the morning, and find his mother there making breakfast. Childish or not, of all the people he had lost so far he missed his mother the most. He knew that he won’t be able to visit his family too often after joining the military, but he couldn’t imagine not seeing her mum ever again. He squeezed his eyes tight and swallowed. “I don’t know. I honestly have no freakin’ clue,” his words came out a harshly.

“So, I guess you don’t really wanna’ talk about it, do you?”

“No.” Connie knew that when he will ever be ready to discuss all this with someone, that someone most certainly will be Sasha, but not yet. Not just yet.

“Okay, sorry.” The girl was waiting quietly for a while, but there came no response. She decided to let him be and looked back up to the sky instead. She closed one eye, lifted her arm pointing at the stars and started to connect the shiny yellow dots with her index finger.

The boy was to squeeze out an “it’s okay”, but the words got stuck in his throat. He took a deep breath – let the dank, chilly air fill his lungs – and held it as long as he could. He tried to picture how the girl next to him is making up her own constellations of the stars right now. He was almost a hundred percent sure that she was doing that now. He managed to calm himself a bit, but was still fighting back tears when her quiet, soft voice found its way into his ears again. 

“Connie?”

“Yep?”

She turned her head to see the boy’s face. “Are you angry?” She couldn’t always tell if she was annoying him or not so the easiest way to find out was simply by asking. He was always honest and told her when she was a bit vexing. 

“Yes,” he said quietly as a frown creased his forehead. 

“With me?” she asked, chewing on her bottom lip.

He took another deep breath. “No,” his voice softened up. He opened his eyes and slowly blinked himself back to realty. He felt like he just returned from a completely different world where he had spent ages.

“With who then?” she asked wrinkling her nose while her eyes kept studying his face carefully.

“I don’t know,” he answered sharply “and it kinda’ makes me even angrier.”

“What? That you don’t know who to direct your anger at? Maybe you should just yell at everyone else until you find out. It seems to work for Eren,” she said as the corner of her mouth quirked up into a tiny, mischievous smile.

At any other time, a comment like that would have made him at least smirk, but now he was just too mad at the whole world. “It’s not just that. Besides having no idea about who our real enemy is there seems to be so much more that we don’t know. We are completely in the dark, and that’s so… it’s just so …”

“…scary,” she finished his sentence quietly, with the word cruelly echoing in their ears for long minutes afterwards.

As dawn was slowly breaking the air started to cool even more, nearly freezing the damp grass around them. Sasha was shivering. She moved closer to the boy and turned her whole body to face him. She grabbed his right arm with both hands and pulled up her knees. She looked like a small monkey that climbed too high on a tree and now is scared of falling from it so it holds on a branch so tight it almost breaks.

“Connie?” 

“Yes?”

She pressed her forehead against his shoulder. “I don’t want you to die,” she whispered.

“Yeah, that would suck,” he sighed wearily, massaging his forehead with his left hand. Going back inside the house and having a couple hours of real sleep started to seem like a reasonable idea, but lying in the grass with her was so much more relaxing than sleep. He didn’t want to leave that small meadow ever. 

Sasha buried her face in his neck. He could feel her hot breath on his cold skin as she spoke. “I don’t wanna’ die either.” Her voice sounded so quiet that it wasn’t even a whisper anymore.

He looked at her hesitantly, fear replaced the anger in his widened eyes. His throat dried up and his stomach sank. The thought of losing the girl as well suddenly spread a paralyzing wave of panic through his body. “You won’t.” He gulped nervously.

“You can’t possibly know that for sure.” She glanced up at him with a serious look in her deep brown eyes. Her grip tightened around his arm and her hand softly slipped into his. 

He gave her fingers a strong squeeze. “You… You won’t,” he muttered.


End file.
